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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

HOT TO FALL IN LOVE NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK

Would you like to fall in love? In spite of what everyone else says, do you want to believe love is out there for you? Have you heard how all the good ones are gone, no one wants to make a commitment these days, and everyone is married?

There are lots of negative voices that will tell you that love might exist but you will probably never find it. Don't believe them. Here are some of the ways you can fight off the messengers of hollow hope:

* Stay away from conversations that lead to conclusions of hopelessness.

Just because that is someone else's opinion doesn't mean it has to be yours. Look for conversations of possibility that start with words like, "I can," and "I will."

* Resist being manipulated by the media.

The media may whisper or scream that you need to look or act in a certain way in order to attract someone. People who are overweight, bald, past the age of 50 or more, driving a late model car, or wearing '60s polyester suits meet and fall in love every day. So can you.

* Pay attention to selective exposure.

People who feel and think the same way begin to believe that this collective viewpoint is a law. If you think there is no one out there for you and you have gathered unto yourself five or ten friends who think the same way, then you are going to be rooted in this belief, and you will act accordingly. Make a conscious effort to find and hang out with friends who have a belief of possibility and hope.

Build a bank of people who can resist the voices that say all the good ones are gone. In fact, the next time you hear that phrase, stand up and be heard say, "All the good ones can not possibly be gone I'm still here!"

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HOT TIPS ON HOW TO KISS YOUR LOVER

A kiss is the most basic, yet most important step – some say it's even more meaningful than sex – to expressing feelings of affection between a man and a woman. Since it is the most fundamental aspect of a physical relationship, it is essential that men learn the necessary etiquette when it comes to kissing.

So, what is there to learn about how to impress your woman?

Do not Let Your Feelings Overtake You

There is a saying that a man loses his senses after four drinks and a woman loses hers after four kisses. For women, creating a perfect mood for a kiss is just as important, if not more, as the perfect kiss. Men are less concerned about the mood as they are concerned about the actual kiss. That's why so many men make the most horrendous mistake of forcing themselves into their respectful lady to satisfy their desire and to express their love. If you are truly serious about the perfect kiss, then create the perfect mood first.

Do not Rush

As mentioned above, men are often led into thinking that masculinity – strength, forcefulness, abruptness – is what makes them man. Women may be weaker than men in terms of physical strength, but when they are determined that they will not give in, no man can force them into kissing.

If you force your way into kissing, assuming that she, too, is ready and is craving for it when in fact she is not, you risk turning her off. Don't rush and study her carefully. Listen to what she says and watch how she moves until you know it's the right time.

Watch Your Tongue

You love her desperately, but there is no sign of such level of affection on her part. First, create the perfect mood for the kiss. Second, target her tongue. Women are especially sensitive to a French kiss and when she feels the touch of your tongue with her own, she feels that she has given something so meaningful and valuable to you.

At that moment, your tongue can mean the world to her. There is no way that she cannot fall in love with you.

Give Her a Chance

You will never succeed in kissing when it is a one way play. There must be this subtle game of give and take, which makes it all the more sweet and mesmerizing. If you want to enjoy this game, give her a chance to enter the game.

If you put your tongue inside her mouth and stay there without knowing what to do – like a child lost in amusement park – she feels the sudden urge to take over the game.

Softness

Strength is not the only thing that gives pleasure. You must be soft and gentle when you kiss. Men often make the mistake of giving into their own feelings all too easily when they kiss, thereby making woman feel like something is being forced into her.

Be gentle and always watch how she is reacting. Always control your tempo.

Close Your Eyes

It's not a rule, but you should always close your eyes when you kiss. When you leave your eyes open, you lose concentration and you might be led into thinking about other things, which she will eventually notice. Besides, wouldn't you naturally close your eyes when you kiss?

Fresh Breath

Now matter how much she loves you, you are an immediate turnoff when she is met by stinky breath at what is supposed to be a very romantic and memorable moment. Always carry mouthwash or gum – strawberry candy is also good – for the perfect moment.

Be Comfortable With Your Hands

If it's your first kiss with her, you are very likely to be awkward with your posture while you are kissing. The most natural way is to put your hands around her waist or her back.

practice makes perfect

So you've met the perfect moment and all you need to do is to turn those few minutes into an eternity for both her and yourself. We've all dreamed of our first kiss and imagined how it's going to feel, and most of us have already put that into a test.

For those who have not yet experienced the magic of a first kiss, keep in mind that the aforementioned advice is a definite asset.

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HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP AFTER YOU GET DUMPED

So, you have been dumped. While you are well aware that you are better off without him or her, there is an aching pain in your heart that misses them and wishes you were still together. Perhaps you just miss the routine and convenience of doing things together and don’t know how to keep yourself occupied.

Unfortunately, many of us tend to make mistakes when trying to get over a recent break up. This not only prolongs the recovery process but also makes it even more heart breaking to deal with. Figuring out how to manage your time after getting dumped is crucial in order to have a quick recovery and move on with your love life. These lessons are important to follow, so breaking up isn’t so hard to do.

Breakup Tip #1
Do not: shut yourself away from your friends.

While you may be tempted to lock yourself in a room and listen to sad breakup music, resist the urge. It is also not a good idea to call his or her cell phone to listen to the recorded message repeatedly, or listen to ‘your song.’

Friends can provide supportive advice and make you smile even at your most depressed times. By shutting yourself away in your bedroom you will only elevate your emotional status and feel sorry for yourself.

Give your friends a chance to take you out and talk about it. Whether it is a trip to an ice-cream parlor or to a dance club, a change of scenery can take your mind off your recent breakup. Sometimes friends and fun are the only way to take your mind off negative experiences.

Remember, everyone has been through rejection at some point in their life and talking about your experiences with people you trust can make hard times more tolerable.

Breakup Tip #2
Do: Hide old pictures and banish the stuffed animals he/she gave to you.

This step involves distancing yourself from the symbols that represent your relationship. On top of that, organize all the e mails you sent to one another in a separate folder, titled ‘ignore.’ If you really want to, you can even delete them.

All these items did at one point have sentimental value; however, now you must move on. This step isn’t possible unless you let go of some memories. It isn’t necessarily to burn the pictures of your happy couple days but piling them into a shoe box out of your direct view will help you forget about your ex-partner. Some degree of separation is fundamental in moving on with your life. If you keep staring at pictures of the happy couple days, you will only be reminiscing about the past – unable to move on to the future.

Breakup Tip #3
Do not: Throw eggs at his car, kidnap her dog or leave nasty messages on his answering machine.


Okay, so that may be a little more than you would do anyway, but you get the idea.

Being mature is a difficult task when dealing with a breakup. However, regardless of how the relationship ended, refrain from scheming creative ways to make their life miserable. Getting dumped sucks, but try to look at the situation from a positive perspective: If your partner didn’t really care about you, then the relationship was not worth it and it’s time to move on with your love life.

Now, put the cap back on the permanent marker and move away from his car.

Breakup Tip #4
Do: Give new people a chance to get to know you.

Everyone needs a transition period of being alone after a breakup. This is often referred to as being ‘on the rebound.’ However, dwelling on your past breakup for too long can make you feel lonely and depressed. During the recovery process, sometimes the sooner you meet another partner, the sooner you can forget about what happened in the past and give love another chance.

Spending your evenings alone, in fear of being dumped again is not only a waste of time but it also gives your former mate the satisfaction to observe that you are still heartbroken. Getting back into the dating world is an important step in moving on with your life.

After dealing with a breakup, you might be more selective in the type of man/woman you are looking for and your standards might be elevated to a new level. Good for you! Use the experience and everything you have learned about yourself to meet someone who is perfect for you.

Remember love takes time

Letting your heart heal takes time, especially after a heart wrenching breakup. Keep in mind that we are all strong enough to easily recover from a breakup if we truly have the desire to move on.

Men and women often spend too much time figuring out what went wrong in their past relationship. Forget about vandalizing his new convertible or kidnapping her new puppy. Instead, concentrate on what to wear to the singles bar tonight.

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HOW TO KNOW THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL SOON DUMP YOU

Given the natural variation of human beings when it comes to their actions, beliefs and tastes, it is tricky to pin down specific reasoning behind specific behavior.

While women cling to the belief that men's actions are downright indecipherable, I don't believe we women are much easier to navigate. That being said, any man deserves a cheat sheet when it comes to finding out if his girlfriend wants out of their relationship.

Knowing our capacity for mood swings and PMS induced outbursts, it may be hard to tell whether we've had a bad day, or we just really want to get out. If anything, you'll avoid a situation that too closely resembles Matt Damon dumping Minnie Driver on national television.

She's Distant – all the time

We all experience moments of distraction, but when your partner is in a constant state of unavailability, it might be a clue to her desire for a break. Many women feel guilty about wanting to break off a relationship and may choose to ignore those inclinations by ignoring you.

It's often easier to be confrontational when fighting about the relationship, if the underlying belief is that you're fighting for the greater good of the relationship itself. If she's given up all hope of saving the union, making eye contact with you and giving you her full attention will only act as reminders of the now-futile relationship.

Essentially, the longer she avoids you, the longer she gets to avoid having that final "talk." Everyone hates the talk.

She's Uninterested in Sex

Unless she really, really enjoys sex, it's very likely that the action between the sheets will wane. Many women have issues separating the emotional aspects of sex from the physical aspects of sex, and therefore may be not be inclined to get physical with someone they are starting to abhor.

If she never really enjoyed sex and only engaged in it to please you – yes, this can be the case sometimes – she certainly won't be willing to do so now that her interests have flown elsewhere. If the idea of breaking your heart is painful to her, she won't want to engage in an act defined by intimate coupling.

She Criticizes you

Whether she criticizes you in the name of saving the relationship, or just to annoy you, either action can be dubbed typical of a woman who wants out. Very much like men, there are some women who will willingly adopt undesirable traits with the hope that their partner will take it upon themselves to call it quits. This saves the woman (or man) from having to cope with the confrontation of breaking up and the guilt associated with being the perpetrator.

No one enjoys being criticized and she knows that sooner or later, you'll get fed up and crack.

She Starts Dating Someone Else

While this might appear ridiculously obvious, it is undertaken for the sake of those boyfriends who just can't seem to comprehend that the relationship is over and done with. Women who immediately take up with another man after the breakup (or even during its final moments) are without a doubt screaming at you, "it's over!" They're hoping against hope that the physical presence of another man will cause send the message that anything between the two of you is done with.

This category also applies to women who are in fact, cheating. Emotionally unfulfilled or tired of your own cheating, women are almost as likely as men to seek their fulfillment elsewhere. While men might attribute their wandering eyes to spontaneous bursts of testosterone, women are more inclined to gain something from their forbidden relationship, whether it's revenge or genuine attraction to another man.

She says She Doesn't Want to See you Anymore

Again a possible no-brainer, there are an assortment of women who will bite the bullet and come right out and say they want to end it. Complications arise when you, the man, start to believe you can save the relationship or change drastically in order to make it function smoothly. But if your girlfriend had the courage to sit down with you – and didn't break up with you over the phone, by e-mail or by text message – chances are she's pretty serious about sticking to it. It might be a good idea to respect her decision.

Of course, all bets are off when she waltzes on up to you at the bar the week after, drunk as a skunk, and whispers dirty things in your ear. Ex-girlfriend etiquette is a whole other ball game.

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10 REASONS WHY BEING SINGLE IS GREAT

Reason #1: You have a better body.
We have all been there you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.

For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills and get out there and work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework.
You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money including keep it.
Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change and fast. According to a survey by Smart Money magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.” And a marriage that doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.

Reason #5: You have better sex.
Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter.
While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bed mate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two to a bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest seven to eight hours of sleep a night than married couples, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists at the University of Luebeck in Germany, creativity and problem-solving may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study, participants were given a math puzzle; those who’d had eight hours of sleep or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that you’re alert, rested and have that extra brain power edge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed.
Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts if you’re a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues. “Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit men more than women,” says Davis. “For women, there’s more of a loss of self.” And, of course, today’s women often feel like they need to do it all have a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally “female” responsibilities. “People who aren’t married are still investing in themselves,” says Davis. “It’s not selfish it’s giving to yourself, and that’s something married people can learn from single people.”

Reason #8: You have better friendships.
Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.

Here's another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirky alone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
Married couples take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like white water rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical and personal borders. “I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love three times and much more,” says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations manager in Boston. “With every place and every person, my world has expanded.”

Reason #10: You know yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
You are a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want and what you don’t. Experts say that bodes well for future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce. “When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth,” explains Chase. “But maturity brings so much, because if you’re able to communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of having a successful marriage.” And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

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